The Cardinal Crew
How a 'Friends Group' remains Intact & Strong after nearly 3 Decades
Life is full of variables. If anything, life is one big variable. From birth to death, most of our lives are unplanned, often chaotic, at times very joyful, and, unfortunately, often sad messes. If you live long enough, you’ll experience the full roller coaster. That metaphor is frequently used when discussing the ups and downs of life, but it’s rarely used to describe the seats it fills. So, I’ll do my best to describe it.
Growing up in a small town in west-central Minnesota, in the era before cell phones and the internet, life was simple and options were limited. Now, Alexandria is a booming resort town. But in the late '80s and early '90s, it resembled more of a two-horse town—that is, two main roads: Broadway and 3rd (MN 29 and MN 27). Back then, you could find a plot of land on one of the many area lakes for a reasonable price. Now, millionaires only need apply; if you want lake property, you’ve got to pony up (sticking with the horse theme).
My family moved to the area in 1986 when I was 4 years old. We actually moved to Carlos Township, a census-designated place bearing the name of the lake I call home. Lake Carlos was named after a friend of an early settler in 1868, while the town of Carlos, nearby, incorporated in 1904. Then, 91 years later, another origin story began: the establishment of The Crew—a friend group that has defied all of life’s attempts to pull it apart. This group remains intact to this day.
I know what you’re thinking: everyone has childhood friends they keep in contact with. True. But while I’m biased, there’s something quite remarkable about this one. There are at least ten of us who have remained in constant group contact for 30 years. Let me say that again for those in the back: I have a double-digit friend group that has rarely gone more than a week without connecting for the last three decades.
Alexandria is a city in a sea of farming and small-town communities. The new high school, erected in 2019, changed its name from Jefferson Senior High to Alexandria Area High School to reflect the many cities and townships it serves. The Cardinals are the school’s mascot. Our group was a similar concoction of area kids, as we can claimed elementary schools from Carlos, Miltona, Garfield, and three in Alexandria. There was one guy, though—the outsider who moved to the area from Paynesville in 7th grade. He was the connector, and he moved to Carlos Township in 1994. His 13th birthday, on March 20th, 1995, is our Patient Zero event. A dozen boys gathered, and unbeknownst to them, they’d be gathering for the next 30 years and counting.
We all graduated high school in 2001 and left for college. St. John’s, St. Cloud State, Minnesota-Duluth, and the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities were all claimed. Nobody ventured out of state…yet. We gathered that first winter after high school and took a trip to Winnipeg, Manitoba. In the 30 years since, we’ve taken at least a dozen trips together, spanning multiple states and countries. There has been joy: 10 marriages, 11 kids, and lots of dogs (we’ve all had dogs). And there has been heartache: five divorces and five family deaths (immediate). As men who mainly come from stoic European cultures, where outward gestures of love are usually expressed through customs and food, we have decided to forge a new path. It doesn’t matter how much time passes; everyone hugs, and the words “love you” are a common phrase.
What is it about this group, though? And why has it remained so strong after all these years? I’ve asked myself this question. What were we missing that the group provided? Everyone had a sibling, had parents, and had means. A contributing factor has been the lack of kids, as only a few of us have children, creating fewer scheduling conflicts. I could psychoanalyze all day, but what stood out then—and what stands out now—is that everyone’s individualities are celebrated. Everyone contributes; it’s like we formed a supergroup from all the cliques. It comes as no surprise that everyone went down a different path in life to a unique career. The sum of all the parts is wildly entertaining because of this dynamic. Wins and losses are celebrated and supported. The position of the seating arrangement changes, calls turn to texts, memes, gifs, and other forms of communication, but the group is always on the tracks. No one steers; it is a shared responsibility. You’re free to leave whenever (everyone needs a break), but coming back is always met with open arms.
In 2023, the Crew gathered in Scotland to celebrate our 40th birthdays. Nine of us made the trip: seven from Minnesota, two from California, and one from Sweden. A tenth would have joined us, but he was set on saving up for his dream of owning a restaurant (which he succeeded in). While in Scotland, we climbed, golfed, cooked, and explored. The stories shared were nothing new, but just as funny. Many of us have seen each other so much, we don’t even realize how much we’ve aged. Slowly, the conversations have evolved from crazy nights out to what balm we’re using to treat our aching backs and knees.
(pictured: Mike, Jon, Bob, Doug, Dumm, Stevo, Grant, Porter, Brock)
On our way back to Glasgow to catch our flights, we stumbled across a town appropriately named Alexandria. A stone facade announced the town’s name in an otherwise nondescript part of Scotland. Stumbling out of our cars, we gathered around the stone, while a stranger who took our picture no doubt wondered what was so special about it. But we knew, and in the "We" is what matters most. The constant. The thing we can all count on: each other.